Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
