Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Randomize