haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
