just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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