We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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