Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
