Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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