I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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