Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
