Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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