walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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