she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
