DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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