The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
