I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
