Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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