pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
