Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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