yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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