I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
