my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The beer is more important than you right now.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize