Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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