hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
