The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
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