As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Bring me that man meat
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
