Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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