you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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