you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
