I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you win again, gameday.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
