Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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