I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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