i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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