i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
