Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
