you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
