does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
