He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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