I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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