girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
