college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
