he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
