drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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