**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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