btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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