My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
