My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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