her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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