oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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