I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
