i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
