My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I didn't notice because vodka
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize