Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
