She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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