You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
