So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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