My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
