Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
being pregnant is like rehab
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
