It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
