It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
