pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
