On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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