Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Randomize
