Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
