yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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