Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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