you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
