opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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