I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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