Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
