she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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