You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
