Just cropdusted the office
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
