well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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