I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
