She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
