you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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