Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have already put on my inside pants.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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