i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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